It was the Fall of 2017 and I found myself in what came to affectionately be known as The Circle of Terrible. I was in New Mexico for a retreat with twelve other women who were writers, activists, and leaders in faith spaces, and I guess we all needed to unload some big feelings? When we went around the circle to introduce ourselves in our first session, each of us shared our names, what we do, and the most heart-wrenching, traumatic stories we had experienced in Christian communities in recent years. I wept the entire time.
I feel this so much and I feel like you’re further in the process than I am. I’m still trying to hold on to these relationships, especially with my parents and big brother. I’m so scared of losing them. Yet, when I was in a relationship the juxtaposition of going back and forth between a relationship where I was loved while being queer and one where I was loved for being a Christian literally broke me mentally.
I’m out here trying to reconcile the intense fear of losing my most lives family members and the intense fear of what happens mentally when I am not loved as a queer person.
Having someone like you to not just look up to but look “forward” to gives me a little bit of hope that someday everything might not be so hard.
In the meantime, let’s pray, cry, laugh, and read lots of good poetry together.
I am so sorry for the loss you suffered. It has been amazing to watch as you have worked through that pain to find joy again. And gosh, it’s so good to read your writing again. Love you friend.
I feel this so much and I feel like you’re further in the process than I am. I’m still trying to hold on to these relationships, especially with my parents and big brother. I’m so scared of losing them. Yet, when I was in a relationship the juxtaposition of going back and forth between a relationship where I was loved while being queer and one where I was loved for being a Christian literally broke me mentally.
I’m out here trying to reconcile the intense fear of losing my most lives family members and the intense fear of what happens mentally when I am not loved as a queer person.
Having someone like you to not just look up to but look “forward” to gives me a little bit of hope that someday everything might not be so hard.
In the meantime, let’s pray, cry, laugh, and read lots of good poetry together.
I am so sorry for the loss you suffered. It has been amazing to watch as you have worked through that pain to find joy again. And gosh, it’s so good to read your writing again. Love you friend.